Please pass this on to everyone you know or will ever know.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Trees do not hug you back

You may like trees. But hear this:

Trees do not like you.

In fact, they hate you. What was the last thing you did for any one of them? That's what I thought.

Trees do not care how much you profess to love them. They do not care how much you hug them.

Trees will never hug you back.

Trees provide shade, fruit, they even create the very air you breathe. And how do you repay them? By cutting them down. Wes, I'm looking at you.

Imagine you're a tree. Now, as we learned from The Lord of The Rings, the life of an Ent (tree person) is extremely slow moving, so this scene would be in slow motion.

So you're standing there, dancing in the breeze and minding your own business, when all of a sudden, a chain saw starts up right behind you! Being made of wood, your joints are very stiff and you can't turn around quickly enough to karate chop the ol' lumberjack. All you have time to do is close your eyes and brace for the worst botched surgery of your life. A bodyectomy. A complete removal of the body from the roots.

Did you notice the tree shuddering as you walked up with that newly sharpened ax or freshly oiled chain saw? You heartless, cruel people.

Sadly, I'm not sure there is anything you can do about this one sided hatred they have for us. All I can say is be humane as you chop them down. Thank the tree for its service and the long life it had. It will not acknowledge you, and will not speak to you.

Because trees hate you.

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