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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

What I would be thinking if I were President Obama and I realized I gave that whole speech with my fly down

Oh. My. God. 

Has my fly been down this whole time?! I just addressed MILLIONS of hard working Americans on live TV, how long has it been open?

Maybe no one saw…
I think the podium covered most of it. Yeah, I bet nobody even noticed.
Wait a minute, is that why Michelle asked me if I was hot?! Did she think I was just letting in a little air to cool off? Who does that, open their fly for some circulation? I am not that kind of guy!
Oh, who am I kidding?! I’m wearing red, white, and blue flag boxer shorts, how could anybody miss that? I was walking around the stage for over an hour and crouching down every 20 seconds, you know, to get down on their level. Sue me, it’s a technique!
Oh great, I’ll bet there’s a close up photo of my crotch on every snarky website within the next 10 minutes or less!
Barack, you do this to yourself all the time! Whenever the slightest thing goes wrong, you think about it for months! Stop beating yourself up, dude! You’re the friggin’ Leader of The Free World!
Maybe this will be good for me. Yeah, maybe it will make people like me more. Maybe they’ll think, “Oh, hey, he wears the underwear of everyman! We love you Barry!”
[To Joe Biden: “Hey, what kind of underwear do you wear?”]
[Joe Biden: Gives weird look]
Uh, what’s his problem?
I am seriously going to kill everyone on my entire staff. As soon as I walk in the doors, they are all fired! Those jerks don’t care about anyone but themselves!
Ah, no, I can’t just fire them for this. They are just hard working Americans who happened to work for a guy who forgot to zip his pantaloons. It wasn’t their fault, after all…
[sigh] Oh, Abe Lincoln, what would you do?
Maybe I should just make a joke about it, and start laughing about it first, before everyone starts in on me about it. You know what, I might just do that. I could give another speech with my fly down again, and wear big ol’ novelty polka dotted underwears! That would be hilarious! Making the world laugh will be a great way to boost my ratings!
Oh man, I’m in trouble…

Oh gosh...

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