Please pass this on to everyone you know or will ever know.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Can I get an Amen? 
The holidays brings a side of me that rarely comes out. A sharp, aggressive, competitive and rigid persona emerges and takes over mine and the lives of those who have the pleasure of interacting with me.

I call this character Dickens, after both "Charles" and "Hurts like the."

Dickens has his benefits. He helps me find the perfect gifts, and to pry them from the cold dead fingers of whomever got to them first. Can't tell you how many times that has come in handy. Next, when the family gets together and plays the inevitable card games, I emerge triumphant, wiping the blood and tears of my competitors from my victorious hands. He also helps me decorate the best gingerbread houses known to man.

Of course, I can see the downsides to having a wry, abrasive and fanatical Christmas guise. For one, kids don't like to hear the truth about Santa, or that they don't make Crazy Bones anymore. Dickens has also been known to drive through slush piles, scoring bonus points if the soaked victim flips him off.

This year, Dickens may come out stronger and more ferocious that he has in a while, because I have put off my preparations for Christmas until the relative last minute, and he has a lot of time to make up. For example, Dickens broke almost half of the lights on the short strand he hastily hung on the front of the house, which I later had to fix when he calmed down.

Oh, and he has a perfect Cockney English accent.

The holidays are an interesting time, and I think my alterego is one of the more tame personas I've seen this season. As you go finish your last minute shopping, and especially as you gather your loved ones close, stay in control of your "dickens", lest this be a Christmas to remember.


 I am not schizophrenic.

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