Please pass this on to everyone you know or will ever know.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Halloween Costumes!

Please listen to the Halloween MHOTM Episode by clicking here!

Halloween. Such a magical, wonderful time of year! The pumpkins are ripe for the picking, and the apples are ripe for the bobbing.

My favorite part of this holiday is dressing up in costume. Choosing a costume also happens to be one of the most difficult decisions you'll make during the whole year. That is why today, I will help you decide what to be.

There are a few decisions you need to make before you settle. Consider your body type. Are you better suited for a sexy Marilyn Monroe costume, or a peanut M&M? I'll just let you consider that for a moment.

There are a few categories you could settle into: Sexy, Scary, Topical, or Punny. I have compiled a list of ideas for you, lets go through them.

First, the Sexy Zombie. Business suit, zombie face paint, you can't go wrong. Add some blood to look like you just ate someone's brains.

Sexy Werewolf. Wait, Scary Werewolf. Idk, I'm a little turned on, but that may be a side effect of some other stuff I'm working with...

Okay, this is actually a scary clown. All he does is just stand there, staring at me. 

Jordan, dressed as Lurch! Or Frankenstein, depending on if you're a MORON. Don't get it wrong.

Just stole that guy's balloon. I later beat that guy up and stole his yellow hat too.

A costume doesn't have to be elaborate or creative to be amazing. A mustache from a quarter machine at the Piggly Wiggly will do just fine. 

The funniest costume ever: Aron Ralston! Remember, the guy from that 127 Hours movie. No, not James Franco, that guy actually existed. In real life! Seriously! Can you imagine a dumber person? Eh, at least we got a laugh out of it.

You could go for Halloween as your Doppelgänger. For me, that is Dr. Sweets from Bones. Sorry guys, you'll never unsee it. Who is yours?

An internet meme is always a good choice. You'll want to be on the cutting edge though, this two and a half year old reference might be lost on your younger and older viewers.

You could go as a common joke in the media, too.

Some costumes are just not tasteful though. Come on guys, uncalled for.

What are you dressing up as this year? Weigh in below, in the comments field!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Is your sandwich secure?

How Secure Is Your Sandwich?
By My Old Friend, Andy Goddard

Yesterday I went to Subway and ordered 3 footlongs (to feed my family - I wasn't THAT hungry). I gave them my Subway card and the guy told me that 2 of the sandwiches would be free! I did a happy dance, but it was short. 

With a sad face, he told me that the 2 sandwiches would NOT be free because my Subway card had been FROZEN!

"Frozen?" I gasped. "What can we do about that?"

"Just call the number on the back and they'll unfreeze it for you," he assured me.

I paid for my sandwiches and went home.
This morning I called the Subway Card help line. First I gave them Subway card number. She thanked me then asked me for my PIN number. 
"PIN Number?" I asked. Was she serious?
"Yes, it's on the bottom. You have to scratch off the gray stuff."

I scratched off the gray stuff and told her my PIN Number. 

"Thank you. Which Subway stores do you go to most often?" She asked me. I figured she was doing some harmless market research - helping headquarters know which stores their customers like. You know, so they can do touchup paint at the "less favorable" locations, or something like that.

But then came the clincher. "For verification purposes, which sandwiches do you order most often?"

WHAT?!?! For verification purposes? Am I at Wells Fargo or a sandwich shop? You guys have been tracking what sandwiches have been bought on "my account?" 

What would happen if somebody else was buying some gross sandwiches and telling Subway it was me? "I'll have a 6 foot tuna with meatballs, jalapenos and mustard. And my name is Andy Goddard."

I'm sure they'd have to have my Subway card for me to REALLY get that one on my account. But who's going to run around putting sandwiches on other people's cards.

"Hey guys. You won't believe what I just put on Andy's card. Yeah, I paid for it and he'll get all the points, but Headquarters will think he's an idiot!"

So I told the gal on the phone the sandwiches I always buy. Veggie or chicken breast. Apparently, I passed the interrogation because she unfroze my card. Security was tight, but I flew through.

I hung up and asked myself "Sandwiches are serious business. Who have I bought sandwiches from that may be taking them too lightly? Wendy's doesn't have a Wendy's card. Golden Arches doesn't do the card. Maybe they're completely incompetent?"

So you need to ask yourself the same question. Next time you order the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, ask yourself, "Is this sandwich secure?"

Brain Teaser

Riddle me this:

Three brothers share a family sport:
A non-stop marathon.
The oldest one is fat and short,
and trudges slowly on.
The middle brother's tall and slim
and keeps a steady pace.
The youngest runs just like the wind,
speeding through the race.
"He's young in years, we let him run,"
the older brothers say,
"'Cause though he's surely number one,
He's second, in a way."

What am I talking about? Put guesses in the comments!

Find out the answer tomorrow!