Please pass this on to everyone you know or will ever know.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Ambien Dream Journal

Can I get an Amen? 

I’ve been an insomniac for quite some time. In fact, I don’t remember the last time I had a real, full night sleep. Usually, I will either stay up all night to watch the sunrise, or I will fall asleep early and wake up a couple of hours later. After quite some time, I finally decided that drugs were the answer. I got a prescription for Ambien, and my life has totally changed. I can finally sleep! I take the pill, and twenty minutes later, I am out like a light. Awesome!

The only crazy thing is that I can recall every detail of my dreams. They are so vivid, and in a lot of cases, they are super creepy. Let me give you a few examples. By the way, if you can give me any ideas on what the hell these dreams mean, please give me your thoughts!

One night, right after I started taking the pills, I had a crazy dream about my dogs. I dreamed that Dexter and Marley were playing in the backyard of my parents’ house. The grass was really long, like 18” deep. I couldn’t keep track of the dogs while they were playing back there, and they came across a bee hive. They got stung all over the paws and face. I found them and brought them into the house, and tried to take care of them. Marley died first, within minutes, and I was so sad. Then, a few minutes later, Dexter died. In my dream, I was screaming and crying, and when I woke up, tears were streaming down my face. It was so real.

I hated that dream, and considered stopping the medication. There were a few intensely real sex dreams after that, so I decided to keep taking it. It was just a few days later that my next weird dream happened.

In this dream, I dreamed that I was moving into a brand new home. I hadn’t seen the place, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered the new place was on a cruise ship. I had my ticket, and I boarded the immense ship, and started looking for my room. The room I was looking for was 827933112. Seriously, a 9 digit number. It is so clear in my memory, and I don’t know what the number means. Thoughts? Anyway, I headed up to level 8, and I did end up finding the place, but it wasn’t a room. I was accidentally looking at a ticket stub for a movie, entitled Looney Toons Adventure 827933 part 112. I had already seen it, so I took a closer look at my ticket and went down to level 4 to find my room. It wasn’t there, so I just went to level 6 and ordered a Pina Colada. Delicious!

I have googled that number a few times, and I can’t figure out what it means, or why it is stuck inside my brain. Sometimes, it’s just a puzzle as to where some things come from. Other times, I know exactly where the ideas come from. To preface this last dream, you should know that I had just finished Season 9 of Scrubs, which takes place in a medical school.

In this dream, I was at home, and two Mexican guys came in to rob me. They took me hostage, and went to take me away. They split up, and I found myself tied up in the front seat of one of the guys’ old pick up truck. I was able to free myself, and jerked the steering wheel. We went off the side of the road, and hit a parked car. I reached over and grabbed his gun, but he had another gun. At the same time, sitting right next to each other, we started shooting. I hit him twice, but he missed me every time. I was pissed at this time. I pushed him over and drove us to the nearest medical school classroom, where I threw him down on the table. I told my story, then asked the class, “How would you guys like a super fresh cadaver?!” I then finished him off, right there in the classroom!

The kicker to this dream is that, as the class was dismissing, a Japanese girl came up to me. She was crying, and told me about how her family was interred in the concentration camps in World War II. In my dream, I could empathize because I had just killed my captors. Here’s the question: Am I racist?

My mind has been quiet for the last 2 nights. Lets see if it lasts.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Love letter to that chick Rachel Bilson

Can I get an Amen? 
To that chick Rachel Bilson,

First things first. This letter is to Rachel only, so you guys can stop reading, unless you know her and can pass it along.

This letter is kind of a fan letter. More than that, Rachel, I am totally head over heals for you. Actually, I am using my popular website as a way to get a letter to you, since I can’t find your address. I didn’t actually look for it at all, but I figure it’d probably be hard to track down.

You first caught my eye when you were 22 years old, playing a high school student on tv's The OC. I suspended my disbelief and allowed myself to jump right into your story, and for you to jump right into my heart. Even though you are several years older than I am, we were technically in high school at the same time. Therefore, I feel that I am well within your league.

I went on a self guided tour of the Warner lot a couple of weeks ago, and I couldn't help but notice that the red light outside of the "Hart of Dixie" soundstage was on. I knew you were only a couple dozen yards away, so I figured I'd just pop in. Much to my dismay, the door was locked. Sorry if I ruined your scene with the sound of a jiggling handle. Its just, I didn't see a sock on the door, so I thought the coast was clear.

Rachel, I think you are a total fox. It is no secret that you are one of the sexiest women in all of show business. It is also no secret that I’m pretty attractive myself, even if I haven’t done any television yet. I would go as far as to say that you and I would make a very attractive couple. I’m just saying that we might as well give it a try.

I am going to go out on a limb here and ask you for a dinner date. I know you are with Hayden Christensen, and that’s okay with me. The way I figure, regardless of what Wikipedia might say, if there’s no ring, its fair game. You could bring him along, if that would make a difference. I’m willing to make the sacrifice in order to secure a date with my very favorite television actress, and my second favorite film actress (Number one slot goes to Charlize Theron, for obvious reasons. It goes without saying that this whole letter goes double for her).

Get back to me as soon as you can. I’m looking forward to our dinner date!

Love,
Jordan